A Place called my Mind

So i am now in grad school but i don't feel like i have grown at all..i am still in the mental state of the more i know the less i understand......i am still in the position of not understanding the world in it's injustice for the poor. i am sitting in this class with everyone talking about right based approaches with case studies and more on the faces of NGO. so personally i don't think that the NGO's are benefiting the developing countries, they are missing the bigger picture of actually helping them develop rather disabling a whole generation of people in the long run.....by mouth feeding people in the name of eradicating poverty to me seems like a short term goal. what happens tomorrow when people cannot stop donating?

i remember listening to this guy called war child...first his name was really intriguing. a gentleman from Sudan who was a child soldier who got saved by a white lady to whom he is grateful for now since his life turned out differently than what we thought it would be. he was talking about the importance of education. As i was listening to him i realized that, wow...this dude is making a great point. he is talking against dropping food from the sky and actually educating people to get this food on their own.....

i agree with this idea but with one condition....to make sure that the education that is provided should make sure to empower the people of who they are rather than who they want them to became in what they think they should become.....As africans we should be stronger on what we believe and stop depending on the "western world' to fix our problems. yes we are not in the same position as they are but we have an advantage, we have the best geographic area plus the man power that have been used by our oppressors for years

that's all i have for now

where can i keep all this thoughts that run through my mind, all the pain that i carry daily, all the love that i wish i could share with the love, where can i speak with words that capture millions of hearts, with the voice that can be heard by everyone, with the sound of peace and hope, where can i see a place with no fights, arguments or even disagreement. where can i hear, nothing but rain drops hitting the ground peacefully, birds singing and the sound of the wind by the ocean.

it's the thoughts that keep me alive, the vision that keep my streghth, and the voice of my loved ones pushing me everyday. i want to be that voice not only for myself but for all who will give me the chance to let me show them what i am capable of doing. my imagination is bigger than the eyes can see.

i want to be free, free of my own jailing thoughts, free of my insecurities that hold me back, free from me~

when does one know what is right and when a right action should be taken.
realizing what life really brings is thing i need to understand, i take every little situation and action as a life lesson that i am suppose to learn something from it. But, have i really learned or is it just another life experience that is going to be an action that happened with no memory.

After i wrote this down and I read it, I realized, WTF am i talking about.....i am delusional? Or is it just extremely late and I just have random thoughts of what has happened in my life lately that I kinda sleep walked thru, and I am replaying the remaining undamaged footage in my nightly thoughts. isn't weird that we seem to remember things that have been forgotten when it is time to sleep....or is it just me and I have way too much time in hand to even tap back to these memories. Some of them are just so ridiculous, like the time i went to subway and the lady was so mean to me but i never responded...and i wish i said something like..."WTF are you being mean for, dont be mad at me coz your uniform requires a hairnet....." but i didn't say it i just looked at her and smiled.... that after I am done thinking about this awkward moment, i start thinking about why in the hell would i waste my time thinking about such thoughts. And hours later after i have wasted alot of time thinking of thoughts that i was thinking, i hear a voice in my head telling me to sleep, and i answer to the voice...."i am not going to sleep, you are not the boss of me..." and the voice says, " you are right i am just a voice...., why the fuck would you listen to me....i am you dummy..." and i sigh and think....how am i pathetic i am the villain and the hero in my thought so which side should i stick with.....?

Another year has past, lots of events has happened. i am a year older, i grey hair wiser and most of all i live in the greatest country in the world....so i am told. i have gained a lot during the past year, and my greatest accomplishment was that i graduated from university (yap!!!!!!!!!!)i broke up with person and found another, traveled a little, witnessed a great show (Michael Franti)..... you see i have a lot to be grateful about. i am grateful that i was given an "equal opportunity" by the state of Washington to earn a BA in international studies and not be able to find a job, even a security job is hesitant about my qualifications.

I was told for as long as i can remember to be good, listen and go to school. once this is done, a bright future would be set. i guess they forgot the part where they were suppose to prep me with what i can do with my degree, they also forgot to tell me that i have to know a person in order to get somewhere....they also forgot to tell me that just because my name sound "Islamic" that it is an automatic rejection.it might have slipped their mind to inform me about connections of who knows who..... so i keep asking myself, why did i go thru all of this "equal Opportunity" bullshit, was i really that naive? or was it a set up to fail? or maybe it was a test to see how low i can go?

this great country has a way to make you feel important. first, they give the right to vote, do they really give you that right? then they say that they can fight for your right when things go wrong? i am gonna trust the same people who murdered Sadaam for personal games? they continue but telling you that you are better that thousands around the world who don't have food....and my answer at least they have their freedom, they don't depend on GM foods to feed them, no welfare to keep you stranded in same system, no media to keep you from knowing what is really going on around, no fake smiles for those who hate you the most....so i am sorry i was suppose to thank you....for giving me the life that i have always dreamed about.


most people would look at me as if i ungrateful...i am not in fact i am the opposite, i am lucky....lucky enough to fall in to the 60% of those who graduate and don't get a job. Lucky enough to be the 64% of those who don't have health insurance. Lucky enough to be part of the 20% of those who are discriminated against. what what do i have to complain about? nothing but to say how lucky i am to be unfortunate.

some tips: sunsets and starvation are good
Always use the word 'Africa' or 'Darkness' or 'Safari' in your title. Subtitles may include the words 'Zanzibar', 'Masai', 'Zulu', 'Zambezi', 'Congo', 'Nile', 'Big', 'Sky', 'Shadow', 'Drum', 'Sun' or 'Bygone'. Also useful are words such as 'Guerrillas', 'Timeless', 'Primordial' and 'Tribal'. Note that 'People' means Africans who are not black, while 'The People' means black Africans.

Never have a picture of a well-adjusted African on the cover of your book, or in it, unless that African has won the Nobel Prize. An AK-47, prominent ribs, naked breasts: use these. If you must include an African, make sure you get one in Masai or Zulu or Dogon dress.

In your text, treat Africa as if it were one country. It is hot and dusty with rolling grasslands and huge herds of animals and tall, thin people who are starving. Or it is hot and steamy with very short people who eat primates. Don't get bogged down with precise descriptions. Africa is big: fifty-four countries, 900 million people who are too busy starving and dying and warring and emigrating to read your book. The continent is full of deserts, jungles, highlands, savannahs and many other things, but your reader doesn't care about all that, so keep your descriptions romantic and evocative and unparticular.

Make sure you show how Africans have music and rhythm deep in their souls, and eat things no other humans eat. Do not mention rice and beef and wheat; monkey-brain is an African's cuisine of choice, along with goat, snake, worms and grubs and all manner of game meat. Make sure you show that you are able to eat such food without flinching, and describe how you learn to enjoy it—because you care.

Taboo subjects: ordinary domestic scenes, love between Africans (unless a death is involved), references to African writers or intellectuals, mention of school-going children who are not suffering from yaws or Ebola fever or female genital mutilation.

Throughout the book, adopt a sotto voice, in conspiracy with the reader, and a sad I-expected-so-much tone. Establish early on that your liberalism is impeccable, and mention near the beginning how much you love Africa, how you fell in love with the place and can't live without her. Africa is the only continent you can love—take advantage of this. If you are a man, thrust yourself into her warm virgin forests. If you are a woman, treat Africa as a man who wears a bush jacket and disappears off into the sunset. Africa is to be pitied, worshipped or dominated. Whichever angle you take, be sure to leave the strong impression that without your intervention and your important book, Africa is doomed.

Your African characters may include naked warriors, loyal servants, diviners and seers, ancient wise men living in hermitic splendour. Or corrupt politicians, inept polygamous travel-guides, and prostitutes you have slept with. The Loyal Servant always behaves like a seven-year-old and needs a firm hand; he is scared of snakes, good with children, and always involving you in his complex domestic dramas. The Ancient Wise Man always comes from a noble tribe (not the money-grubbing tribes like the Gikuyu, the Igbo or the Shona). He has rheumy eyes and is close to the Earth. The Modern African is a fat man who steals and works in the visa office, refusing to give work permits to qualified Westerners who really care about Africa. He is an enemy of development, always using his government job to make it difficult for pragmatic and good-hearted expats to set up NGOs or Legal Conservation Areas. Or he is an Oxford-educated intellectual turned serial-killing politician in a Savile Row suit. He is a cannibal who likes Cristal champagne, and his mother is a rich witch-doctor who really runs the country.

Among your characters you must always include The Starving African, who wanders the refugee camp nearly naked, and waits for the benevolence of the West. Her children have flies on their eyelids and pot bellies, and her breasts are flat and empty. She must look utterly helpless. She can have no past, no history; such diversions ruin the dramatic moment. Moans are good. She must never say anything about herself in the dialogue except to speak of her (unspeakable) suffering. Also be sure to include a warm and motherly woman who has a rolling laugh and who is concerned for your well-being. Just call her Mama. Her children are all delinquent. These characters should buzz around your main hero, making him look good. Your hero can teach them, bathe them, feed them; he carries lots of babies and has seen Death. Your hero is you (if reportage), or a beautiful, tragic international celebrity/aristocrat who now cares for animals (if fiction).

Bad Western characters may include children of Tory cabinet ministers, Afrikaners, employees of the World Bank. When talking about exploitation by foreigners mention the Chinese and Indian traders. Blame the West for Africa's situation. But do not be too specific.

Broad brushstrokes throughout are good. Avoid having the African characters laugh, or struggle to educate their kids, or just make do in mundane circumstances. Have them illuminate something about Europe or America in Africa. African characters should be colourful, exotic, larger than life—but empty inside, with no dialogue, no conflicts or resolutions in their stories, no depth or quirks to confuse the cause.

Describe, in detail, naked breasts (young, old, conservative, recently raped, big, small) or mutilated genitals, or enhanced genitals. Or any kind of genitals. And dead bodies. Or, better, naked dead bodies. And especially rotting naked dead bodies. Remember, any work you submit in which people look filthy and miserable will be referred to as the 'real Africa', and you want that on your dust jacket. Do not feel queasy about this: you are trying to help them to get aid from the West. The biggest taboo in writing about Africa is to describe or show dead or suffering white people.

Animals, on the other hand, must be treated as well rounded, complex characters. They speak (or grunt while tossing their manes proudly) and have names, ambitions and desires. They also have family values: see how lions teach their children? Elephants are caring, and are good feminists or dignified patriarchs. So are gorillas. Never, ever say anything negative about an elephant or a gorilla. Elephants may attack people's property, destroy their crops, and even kill them. Always take the side of the elephant. Big cats have public-school accents. Hyenas are fair game and have vaguely Middle Eastern accents. Any short Africans who live in the jungle or desert may be portrayed with good humour (unless they are in conflict with an elephant or chimpanzee or gorilla, in which case they are pure evil).

After celebrity activists and aid workers, conservationists are Africa's most important people. Do not offend them. You need them to invite you to their 30,000-acre game ranch or 'conservation area', and this is the only way you will get to interview the celebrity activist. Often a book cover with a heroic-looking conservationist on it works magic for sales. Anybody white, tanned and wearing khaki who once had a pet antelope or a farm is a conservationist, one who is preserving Africa's rich heritage. When interviewing him or her, do not ask how much funding they have; do not ask how much money they make off their game. Never ask how much they pay their employees.

Readers will be put off if you don't mention the light in Africa. And sunsets, the African sunset is a must. It is always big and red. There is always a big sky. Wide empty spaces and game are critical—Africa is the Land of Wide Empty Spaces. When writing about the plight of flora and fauna, make sure you mention that Africa is overpopulated. When your main character is in a desert or jungle living with indigenous peoples (anybody short) it is okay to mention that Africa has been severely depopulated by Aids and War (use caps).

You'll also need a nightclub called Tropicana, where mercenaries, evil nouveau riche Africans and prostitutes and guerrillas and expats hang out.

Always end your book with Nelson Mandela saying something about rainbows or renaissances. Because you care.

How to write about Africa
By
Binyavanga Wainaina

This one here i call it LOVE but she calls it Sentimental Thoughts
by Unheardphilosopher.....



Oh’boy! I yet have lots to surprise me. I used to hear history has its way to rewrite itself but come on! Does it have to happen to me? I once mentioned about the type of relationship I have with love. You see, love and I are very close. I care about love, think of love, and I even think with love. Basically I am occupied with love. Love and I shared so much I remember so many wonderful tender moments as vividly and as fresh as if the memories were made just yesterday. The thoughts of love and I bounces in my head; like the sound of love’s voice, the musical lyrics in his words, whispering my name in my ears, the tingling sensations from love’s warm breath as love is blowing playfully a discrete blows in my neck.

I remember love’s gentle fingers imaginatively soothing my temple, love’s arms wrapped around me as we listened to the pounding sounds of the rain. I remember us stealing kisses whenever there is no one looking but still keeping together. I could never forget love’s phone calls to me just to say hello. Let me tell you how thoughtful love was, when we first met, love’s thoughts were for us and never love’s only. Love worked for our happiness. This is why I could never forget the laughter in love’s voice, the beating of love’s heart. I have enjoyed love’s company and never felt the time even though we spent hours and hours together. I just wanted love to say I love you to me and then just be with me but no…love is just sentimental thoughts that I created within my thoughts. It is just an elusion that I intensify its manifestation so secretively Well…it is just something that lives inside my heart, I want to own it but it doesn’t seem to cooperate with me, in fact it plays joke on me. All of the loves just keep playing games with me. Now, loves learn ways to bring back history and what passed by. What is up with that? Am I supposed to relive the past, F no! I want to move on with love, move away from love, or move in with love. Whatever it is I just don’t need love to give me love that doesn’t last. Okay!!!!!(With the swiveling hand followed by snapping of the middle and thump, add the rolling eyes as well)

My Birth day that's what's up!

umm....a lot has happen since i last really told you guyz what's up? so lately all i have been doing is thinking about what the future holds for me. I know that i wanna do something important and influential.But does that mean that i have to stop what i know to get there? people say that to get to that high place, one must give up something in return. I don't know about giving up something in return, all i know is that if i get to that place, i don't want to forget where i came from. it is important for one to remember where they came from because it makes one's future valuable, because the past was the foundation of your upbringing and it has shaped and supported your values in life...

what made me think about all of this is that one, my birthday is coming up. i am happy that i complicated another year, but i was disappointed of my present situation. The reason why is because i haven't accomplished a lot and i feel like time isn't on my side at all. But after hearing sweet words from my other half, she gave me a reason to look forward to my b-day by telling me to see it in a different perspective. Like, am a year wiser, that i have to see what i have made for myself and what has improved about me.

so i look forward to my birthday August 6th and i will enjoy it with all that i got...so u'll wish me a happy b-day and send me all the love u can....

Peace